Round 2 Day 3

So far my second stay in the hospital has been vastly different from the first.  To start, I'm at St. Anthony's main hospital in Lakewood, instead of at the North campus up in Westminster.  The Lakewood facility is brand new, it's been open about a year, and it is a really beautiful and well designed hospital.  The rooms are larger and cleaner and more comfortable.  The cafeteria is nicer (if a bit more expensive).  And they have all these wonderful services like the music therapist I mentioned yesterday on Facebook.  This morning a massage therapist came to my room and gave me a wonderful foot massage.  I feel like I'm being treated with a level of care that one might find in a four star hotel.  There is coffee service and refrigerators for me to keep food in, and I have a beautiful view of the city from my sixth floor room.  It's quite an experience.  Actually it's a bit surreal, especially given the intensity of what my body is going through, and the intensity of the chemotherapy treatments I'm receiving.  I'm basically having mustard gas pumped into by body day and night, along with plenty of other medications to protect me from those toxic chemicals and their side effects.  It really is a fascinating approach to treating an illness.  Kill everything and then hope the right things can recover and the wrong ones can't.  I have total faith in my doctors though, they are amazing advocates for me.  And really what choice do I have?  My life is in their hands.

On top of that I've been feeling better at the hospital over all than I had been at home.  Perhaps that has to do with being on so much medication here.  Maybe it's the view from my room or the beautiful rendition of John Denver's 'Today' that I heard yesterday.  Or maybe this whole experience just changes every hour or so and I really don't know what's coming next.  But having someone bring me coffee and having my wonderful parents taking care of me constantly, and having friends visit and nurses sharing their stories and people expressing all this love and support and help and healing in my direction sure feels special.  It helps that I'm not in pain, that I'm not on narcotics, that I'm eating plenty of ice cream and that I can rest or read or watch a movie or watch the food network to perk up my appetite.  In a way it's like I'm on vacation.  And in another way it's like I'm in a constant state of delirious misery.  But that's what I like about life.  It's an adventure.  You don't know what's coming next, and it's not really up to you.  And when it's really challenging, like this is now, well you know a couple of things.  You know it won't last forever, and you know that at the end of this experience you will have learned something invaluable about yourself and how you deal with adversity, and it will make you a stronger and better person.  So that's where I'm living in my head.  I'm diving into each moment that hits me, and some of them I have to ball up and tuck my way through, and others and I can stretch out and soak up like warm sunshine.  And each of them has its own beauty and its own flavor that I can cherish for what they are.  It's a very immediate, very intimate experience of this series of moments.

I wanted to make a comment for folks who visit or want to visit.  The roller coaster nature of my physical state make it a bit of a crap shoot as to how receptive I'll be when you happen to drop by.  Ultimately I want to see you.  Any and all of you.  It brightens my spirits immensely to have people come by and spend a few minutes or an hour or whatever happens to work out.  So if you do happen to drop by and see me, as you are more than welcome to do, please just keep in mind that I may be feeling great, or possibly terrible when you show up, and know that I may have to close my eyes and nap or I might be up for playing a game.  I just don't know because how I'm feeling changes about every hour or so.  So, please come by if you feel to do so, but just be prepared for anything :)

Enjoy this beautiful summer day wherever you are, whatever you're doing.

Love,
Chris