One of the things I've heard a lot from other people who have had cancer is that I would eventually become really familiar with the pace and the flow of chemotherapy. I would, for example, be able to predict exactly how I would feel on certain days based on what treatments I'd had and when. Well, that is finally starting to happen for me. I realized this week that there is a pattern that I'm becoming very familiar with related to how I feel and when. And that caused me to reflect that it feels like I've been doing this for a really long time now. But in reality, it's only been two months. I'm halfway through the third of eight rounds of treatment. Things are just ramping up.
On the other hand, after the next round of treatment I'll be halfway through. And I've had some really significant positive progress. And I honestly feel really good about where things are with my treatment. It's comforting to know that certain things will affect me in certain ways and to be able to have some kind of idea how I might feel day to day. It still changes every hour, as I've mentioned before, but it's much more predictable now.
This week I had my fifth of six chemotherapy doses via lumbar puncture. This is a method of administering the drug that enables direct access to the central nervous system. Basically the medicine is injected directly into my lower back so it can get straight to my brain. I've come to find that these treatments seem to have the most extreme and immediate side effects. But I only have one more of those to go!
When I was at the clinic receiving this latest spinal tap I asked my doctor what he thought my day to day life would be like on the maintenance chemotherapy I'll be taking once this six months of intense treatment is over. It varies month to month, but it will be primarily much smaller doses taken orally over the course of about a year and a half. He told me that I would be more or less functioning normally on that treatment. I wasn't completely clear on this before, which is of course why I asked. So it's a huge relief to me to know that I will almost certainly be able to go back to work full time and to get back to a more normal life. Hearing that assessment from him of how things will be was really encouraging to me.
I've had some early positive results with the chemotherapy. I'm becoming more familiar with the ins and outs of my treatment. I am feeling better day to day than I was previously, having figured out which medications work best for me. I know that when I'm through this I will be able to have a normal life again. On top of that I have an incredibly supportive and loving family who are taking care of me. I have the most wonderful, giving friends a person could hope for. And I have this amazing extended network of support comprised of basically everyone who is connected in any way to me or my family. I feel like there is an army of love at my back.
Considering where I was two months ago, things are going remarkably well. And being able to know that, and feel that, and let that be the overall flavor of where I'm at emotionally seems to be even that much more healing and positive for me. Also, for the first time now I seem to be making it through a critical period of diminished immune capability without having to go to the hospital. This is the period of time they refer to as the nadir during which my white blood cell counts are really low and I'm vulnerable to infection. It happens during each round several days after I receive the most intense treatment. When I was at this point during round two I ended up getting a fever and having to go to the emergency room, and then stayed in the hospital for five or six days. So being able to weather the same storm at home is really nice.
The best thing about all this is that I know I will make it through this. I don't know what will happen down the road. But I absolutely know that I will make it through chemotherapy. That is an amazing feeling. As scary and unpleasant and daunting as all of this can be, it's going to be ok. I will make it!
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