Back To Work

Today was my first day back to work, and it was a wonderful way to start the new year.  This year feels like a fresh start in a lot of ways.  I have this sensation of being a new person; of new opportunities to experience life in ways I hadn't before.  It's always easy to look back and second guess oneself.  And it's not that I'm doing that exactly.  It's more that I'm happy that I'm not the person I was before, and that I am happy that I am the person I am now.  Chances to go through that kind of transformation don't come along very often.  So again, I'm grateful that all of this has happened and that I have been able to recreate my life from the wreckage.

Life goals that have come out of this experience:
- Be physically active (I need to repair my body!)
- Give to others (so much has been given to me, I want to give back)
- Take time to appreciate it all (a general reminder to myself to take a step back, perspective is everything)

It doesn't have to be complicated.  There are so many ways to enjoy life, and to be engaged in living it.  I will always come back to the feeling I had when I came out of surgery, which is:  if you're worried about it, it's a waste of time/energy.  I'm not sure why it was phrased that way in my mind, but that was the thought that I couldn't get away from.  It was like no problems existed, they had all been wiped away by the severity of my situation.  And I realized that some things are important, but nothing is worth being upset over.  Life is a gift.  It was a feeling of relief and of a kind of elation, which may sound odd.  That's just how I felt at the time.

The experimentation with my maintenance meds is going well.  I've moved to a smaller dose of one of the main medications that I take each week, which hopefully will be a level that I can withstand over the long term.  I will still have monthly shots, which are a little rough, but that just lasts a day or two.  I feel good about it, since it seems that I will be able to handle it without too many disabling side effects.

It's hard to believe that I've come this far when I think back to the most difficult moments during chemotherapy.  For that matter, it's hard to believe that any of it happened at all.  In a way it feels like no time at all has passed.  Sitting at my desk today and seeing everyone again was so nice.  It felt like coming home.  That says a lot about the people I work with; a wonderful group of folks.

So here's to a new year, and to embracing what life throws at us.  I am so happy to be productive again.  My time recovering was wonderful.  But let's get on with things shall we?  Happy new year to you all.

Love,
Chris